memories and phantasms.

❝Are you hitting on me, Doctor?❞ — Jodie Foster as Clarice Starling in The Silence of the Lambs (1991) // One of my favourite 90s films ever made.

a pet project writer/roleplayer site.
penned entirely by pax/paramoral.
established june 2025.

previously known as:
paramour, phantasmagoria, psychomachy, addiecanary, darksidedocs, lamentforjuliet, vladrian, & wild hunt.

click on the butterfly to go back.
hover to focus on a phantasmal object.

❝doctor, our insanity is not that we see people who aren't there; it's that we ignore the ones who are.❞ — A. Gibson, When the Bough Breaks

❝I'm not a germaphobe?!❞ — Jocelin Donahue as Samantha Hughes in The House of the Devil (2009) // My Halloween comfort movie!

Discord

Spotify

Steam

Tumblr

Twitch

(rest of the site to be rolled out s l o w l y)

carrd designed by cassiaslair. best viewed on desktop, firefox. not chrome. because firefox is the daddiest. -pax

for small creatures such as we.

Lovingly, I can be condensed into four categories: the attention span of a squirrel on crack, the defense mechanism of a ’possum, the incoherent ramblings of a caffeine hopped-up nerd, and a list of mental aberrations as capricious as the cosmos. As James Joyce once said, “As I am. As I am. All or not at all.”P.S. Billions of years of human research have shown what I like to call monkey observation is really just us walking each other home.💜

ooc.

Hiya there! Great to meet you. I'm Pax, 21, Filipino, queer female (she/they), located AWST and I've been writing for way longer than I ever thought I would. I've about a decade year of experience under my belt, and cut my teeth in this roleplaying hobby on instant chat apps and forums before moving to 1x1s. My past aliases may crop up from time to time but these are old masks I have done away with, and for those who know... ya know. 💜 I have moved on from the negative thought patterns and emotional baggage that once sapped the better part of me. Now you can call me a faceless kuwentista in the age of digital nudity. ✨I work a relatively monotonous job on top of a good amount of taking care of my family, and live a pretty high-stress, active life with all my neuroses. I am currently diagnosed with MDD, OCD, ADHD, Social Anxiety Disorder and recovering from selective mutism, BPD, and CTPSD. That's just how the life is for me right now. This does mean I can go quiet for long periods at a time. And I trust that you reading this is you acknowledging that you are okay with this coming as part of the territory, as a potential writing partner and/or online friend. Because every day is a battle, yet writing and living all these lives within a safety bubble keeps my world turning! You best believe it. Roleplaying with all its flaws and marvels is one of my downtime hobbies and I absolutely adore it.I'm also the type to spoil our storylines with aesthetics, visuals and music inspo which know no ends. It does mean I've become a lot more picky with whom I write, so please understand that A) I appreciate those who know how hectic life can be and won't ever rush me for a reply, B) I adore those who do not solely keep me for creative writing purposes, I will be that much more engaged to write with you, and C) I keep those who stay on for writing of a lifetime, not just a seasonal fix. Really grateful to say I already have a few long-lived partners I envision writing with even on my deathbed, so I find comfort in the fact that rare ones have to be sifted out from the rest.I talk in walls and tangents a lot because I am somehow physically more exhausted by rapid fire texts, but I will mirror your text talk. Just know my phone will be on silent, and it's nothing against you, if only for my sanity. 😂 Also very much a cinema and book lover. Can't recall every single one of them, but they've made me. Probably going to get a tattoo that of the old adage, "Ars longa, vita brevis" (and mess it up and regret it for life due to my fallible, human brain by adding an e in the wrong place)

activity.

As a Gen Z I am practically (not) married (just feral) to my gadgets, (even though I don't really relate to others my age that often) but whilst I am chronically online it does not mean I am available all the time. Look to me as The Scatterbrained One, who could be shitposting one moment and watching adorable possum videos the next (FYI they're all adorable) and an Online/Idle status on Discord may simply mean I'm up for shooting the shit OOC and not diligently working our storylines. This is a hobby after all. We are all humans, not machines so don't give me the crowd caffeine.I am pretty abysmal with letting my partners know about when my next post is coming in. That's the harsh truth. It really is just an exercise in the discipline I can muster with regards to writing in general. It may get better over time as life is a bit hectic for me right now with my diploma and mental health recovery journey, and ADULTING is still new to me... so please be kind! If you are okay with this fluctuating frequency, all's well that ends well.

writing technicalities.

All my writings are hosted on Discord servers that have a basic template for you to toy around with. Because we are creatures of habit, at least I am, and that is the place I associate with roleplaying/writing/gaming ao you can reach me there the quickest. You are automatically given admin rights because mi casa, su casa, just as the NPCs I create in our stories are yours to use. I use Tupperbox extensively for my muses and enjoy banter, text and meme-y channels as well. P.S. Haven't quite experimented with Tumblr accounts because it seems too time-consuming of an endeavour for me currently, but I could certainly be convinced in the near future!

characters, mains & exclusives.

I will be providing an ever-changing list of my beloved muses, all females, males, and non-binaries alike. They can be viewed under section characters. Exclusives mean they were created from scratch for the particular (beloved) roleplay with my writing partner, and Mains hint they are created for the purpose of suiting many plotlines. Both means I use them a lot. More asterisks mean I have high muse writing them. Anyone can be used however, once you've indicated interest in any of them to me.You can access an exhaustive list of my original characters via this link, tba. By the way I am operating against my logic of keeping it totally for the eyes of current partners, and making them accessible for everyone because I'm an open book and I realised it's plenty more freeing this way. Those who are on the same wavelength, of a similar creative calibre and maturity to not blatantly rip off someone else's character will be more concerned about the potential, the creation. So once the section is done, I'm throwing that net out there and seeing what it catches.By the way I try and not do character biographies or backstories anymore besides simple drafting. Certainly dolled up a LOT of Google Docs before but I just don't have that free time anymore! This is solely lying on the fact that my character exists in the scene, in the world so presently, with everything boiling down to intention and obstacle. I like getting to know them as the story goes along. It leads to many a twists and turns no one foresees, and the silhouette and substance of their person always changes that they on new forms.

verses & writing samples.

Same goes for my writing samples. They will comprise of both my own writing and collaborative writing with other partners whose credit and permission will be requested before it's posted.

i love these peeps so much they deserve a whole section!!!

Also just want to share my LOVE OUT LOUD for a couple of friends on here. They are the following pets (jk lol they're amazing human beings who just happened to become my friends. Because out of all the chi-chi, know-it-all possums in the world, they got stuck with me—they know who they are according to the nicknames I've bestowed upon them on knighthood day): Emmy Beanie, Bogan Kiki, Midge Widgey, Geitee Alice, Zain Brain, Celestial Zeal, The Thea, Nater Tots, Farhanite, Christo Wetman, and Apateu. 💜💜💜

writer dossier & requirements.

You can absolutely send me a DM through Discord to chat, I come with some decent humour and brownies, but friend requests are NOT accepted... right away. I do welcome overtures of friendships that form with this hobby, but only once we've conversed for a bit more than a few days would I consider adding anyone to my list. I also only roleplay with people who are 18+. Please do not have the intention of roleplaying with me if you are younger than 18. Quite regularly do I incorporate an array of darker/mature themes in all my stories that I am not comfortable writing with a minor. Capiche?I am a lazy literate/novella writer who errs on the side of verisimilitude. Now, what does that mean? A self-sustaining world that is internally constant. Supernatural, fantasy, modern, slice of life, sci-fi, horror, and all else—I write on the basis of it adhering to its own surrealism and rules, something that buys you into the characters and settings. No matter how high the jeopardy, I assure you I can always make it work. So long as you let me take my time with investing in it as well. I am most engaged when writing long responses in the 500 - 2,000 word range, but do try to match your response length. In general though expect at least two decent paragraphs from me. Please please PLEASE respond with creative, literate and thoughtful writing as I would rather wait for a detailed and thought-out response than receive a rushed, badly-written one. I'm fatally allergic to one-liners.I roleplay in third person and past tense only. With the exemptions of letters and such, I am abso-freaking-lutely not comfortable if you assumed your character's PLACE in writing. They have to be in their own heads, and it's our responsibility as writers to make it seem we are assuming ourselves in their shoes. We shed their skin afterwards, not cling to it. With that said, remember that whilst I may enjoy the exhilarating fast-paced action, violence, sex, carnage and ugliness that happen in stories, I do not necessarily endorse them. Because fiction is fiction and this is a medium for us to explore those psychological structures. As a general rule of thumb we should always separate mun and muse. Yes, I'm aware this is a common sense thing some people royally screw up anyway.

NSFW is welcome in my house, as long as it is part of the plot and not the sole focus. My golden plot to smut ratio is 60:40. BUT I would like ample build-up to any NSFW scenes and thorough discussion with you on your expectations writing any of the scenes beforehand. Of course there's also kinks and limits which we preface with every roleplay partner and I go through mine in the very next section. With regards to dark/mature themes, I have become generally okay with anything but if I feel uncomfortable, I will tell you. I do provide trigger warnings for sensitive topics. Please read the next section for my NSFW/Smut Writing guidelines.My roleplay partners are great at letting me know if they'll be away or need a break; in fact I do most of the vanishing. Sorry by the way, but absence makes the heart grow fonder? nudge nudge poke poke Alas this segues into ghosting/vanishing. Please tell me if you are bored or uninspired by our roleplay. I am more than happy to discuss any changes or begin a different roleplay! Vanishing without a trace will result in unadding and our server being placed on an archived countdown for a set amount of days before deletion. I do not mind at all waiting for responses, but do let me know if you are planning on taking a break from writing for an extended period of time. 🫶 I want to make it a softer world for you.

plotting & musing.

Teamwork and communication are the bones of any collaborative writing project. Creativity and strong interpretation, the lifeblood. Now I could write by myself if I wanted to, I had for years but that's become so boring when I can turn on my brain with someone else's to create an even richer world. I just love the idea and act of writing at each other. Especially with someone you mesh with most creatively, one who is not afraid to use serious elbow grease and hours of musing to escape into this world with you. It's almost like playing barbies with your best friend. You look forward to each meeting at the lines. World's your oyster, history bends to your rules, and you are finally the narrators conditioning the flow and emotion of lives. We look to escape into the story to be terrified by a beautiful retelling of what anything could be. The audience is just collateral damage, bravely so. Use your voice to lend one to a story in waiting, in the dark, a soul whose purpose and memory longs for reclamation.I also assure you originality is not something to worry over in terms of plot, when we have books within us and everywhere else waiting to be used and referenced. Let's you and me use that to our advantage! As long as your character is strong and the script of our story is tight, I will obsess over every detail and imbue my own ideas to elevate yours. I just need me some quid pro quo, bud! My musing happens all the time and nearly on the laptop or on paper, so if you think I'm never singing it silently through my head, you're wrong! A plot's threads has either been ran through music, story boards or artwork that I put aside for every story. Zeroing in on a story is the least ADHD thing about me heh. But when the problem is real, and our metaphor sincere, those old stories are revived again—poured through us like fresh wine in aged bottles.Now hey, if that sounds like your cuppa joe or tea, connect with me. I'll listen to your expectations and guidelines as well and we can find something that not only glues our muses, but breathes life into their individual stories that they could be used for other plots. I know a true long form plot may never be achieved and sparks die off with life and all, but the good thing is that you can always pick it back up after taking a breather, mingling around in the roleplay community sphere. Please understand I do prefer storylines with an overarching plot driven by great twists and turns and will often never do a one-shot unless we have other storylines going on! A palette cleanser is needed from time to time so I always let my partner know to feel free to suggest that!

credits.

E v e r y t h i n g on this page except the Carrd layout (heavily edited from cassialair) and music player (custom made by the amazing and helpful glenthemes) is made by me, unless otherwise stated. That typically includes the background, writings and characters, and clumsily (and hopefully endearing ;w;) try-hard references. That definitely excludes graphic arts, celebrity faceclaims and all media properly credited to the respective owner. The possums can be found all over the interwebs. Specifically the edited possum screaming at ass GIF by the top of this section is by omtay. Jodie Foster and Jocelin Donahue gifs are respectively found here and here. They're my IT girls in Hollywood ✨ Rest of credits will be the last note in each section.

Hats off to you since you've reached the end of this section! Please tell me your favourite food to confirm you have read and understood my rules in its entirety. 💜

Yes I realise I dropped the "o" in opossum. But you know which North American furball I'm referring to. Here, have a Jesse Pinkman quote on the house.

click on the butterfly to go back.

glistening abandons.

kinks & limits

There are the list of my hard yeses, hard nos and in-betweens. Writing turn-ons and squicks, if you will. You have to read this section fully if we are to establish a NSFW roleplay. I will not entertain those who fail to read this and you will be called out in a very threatening manner. (Just kidding, but ammm I?)Because whilst it really shouldn't be said that boundaries should be respected, past individuals have crossed the line that I had to make a whole bio section for this. Surprise, surprise, common sense isn't as common as one thinks..

ooc.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Eu sem integer vitae justo eget magna fermentum iaculis. Sodales neque sodales ut etiam sit amet nisl purus. Aliquet enim tortor at auctor urna nunc id cursus.

activity.

interactions.

formatting.

plotting.

credits.

mains & exclusives.

muse name	url	status
name.	url here.	main.
name.	url here.	exclusive.
name.	url here.	main.
name.	url here.	exclusive.
name.	url here.	main.
name.	url here.	exclusive.
name.	url here.	main.
name.	url here.	exclusive.
name.	url here.	main.
name.	url here.	exclusive.

❝Even beasts love in some way; to sit in reverence for the fading of days, or to long for caresses, but leave skin better unkissed, so their wild hearts remain fastened to their armour. Even beasts love this way. Even beasts.*❞ — Yours truly, Wild HuntHats off to you since you've reached the end of this section! Please tell me your favourite food to confirm you have read and understood my rules in its entirety.

❝Who is ever at home in oneself. Land without mercy. What if this darkness is no mirror, no scar. Beyond all urgency, I am listening.❞ — Joanna Klink, NightfieldsHats off to you since you've reached the end of this section! Please tell me your favourite food to confirm you have read and understood my rules in its entirety.

❝Il vaut mieux mourir incompris, que de passer sa vie à s'expliquer.❞ — Shakespeare

❝Ars longa, vita brevis❞ — Hippocrates

for small creatures such as we.

prairies of

anamnesis

a writer is a world trapped within a person.

origin.

use this section to write about your character's origin story / history, basically anything leading up to the current, present day. briefly talk about their childhood, any developmental arcs, etc.Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Nunc lobortis mattis aliquam faucibus purus in. Proin sed libero enim sed. Sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit duis tristique sollicitudin. Sed id semper risus in hendrerit. Nullam ac tortor vitae purus faucibus ornare. Id volutpat lacus laoreet non curabitur gravida arcu ac. Nunc sed id semper risus in hendrerit gravida rutrum quisque. Cursus mattis molestie a iaculis at erat pellentesque. Volutpat ac tincidunt vitae semper quis lectus nulla at. Praesent elementum facilisis leo vel.Amet cursus sit amet dictum sit amet justo donec. Mauris sit amet massa vitae tortor condimentum lacinia quis. Viverra orci sagittis eu volutpat odio facilisis mauris sit. Urna et pharetra pharetra massa massa ultricies mi quis. Ut placerat orci nulla pellentesque dignissim enim sit. Vitae nunc sed velit dignissim sodales ut eu. Et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas integer eget aliquet nibh. Sed libero enim sed faucibus turpis in eu. Elementum pulvinar etiam non quam lacus suspendisse faucibus. Nibh praesent tristique magna sit amet purus. Volutpat commodo sed egestas egestas fringilla phasellus faucibus. Laoreet id donec ultrices tincidunt arcu non. Rhoncus mattis rhoncus urna neque viverra justo nec. Netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas integer eget. Risus ultricies tristique nulla aliquet enim tortor at. Tempor orci dapibus ultrices in iaculis nunc sed augue. Erat velit scelerisque in dictum non. Congue nisi vitae suscipit tellus mauris a. Id interdum velit laoreet id donec ultrices tincidunt arcu non. Id ornare arcu odio ut sem nulla.

present.

use this section to write about what your character is doing during the present day. what's lead up to it, what they plan to do in the future, anything that's currently important to them or their arc.Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Nunc lobortis mattis aliquam faucibus purus in. Proin sed libero enim sed. Sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit duis tristique sollicitudin. Sed id semper risus in hendrerit. Nullam ac tortor vitae purus faucibus ornare. Id volutpat lacus laoreet non curabitur gravida arcu ac. Nunc sed id semper risus in hendrerit gravida rutrum quisque. Cursus mattis molestie a iaculis at erat pellentesque. Volutpat ac tincidunt vitae semper quis lectus nulla at. Praesent elementum facilisis leo vel.Amet cursus sit amet dictum sit amet justo donec. Mauris sit amet massa vitae tortor condimentum lacinia quis. Viverra orci sagittis eu volutpat odio facilisis mauris sit. Urna et pharetra pharetra massa massa ultricies mi quis. Ut placerat orci nulla pellentesque dignissim enim sit. Vitae nunc sed velit dignissim sodales ut eu. Et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas integer eget aliquet nibh. Sed libero enim sed faucibus turpis in eu. Elementum pulvinar etiam non quam lacus suspendisse faucibus. Nibh praesent tristique magna sit amet purus. Volutpat commodo sed egestas egestas fringilla phasellus faucibus. Laoreet id donec ultrices tincidunt arcu non. Rhoncus mattis rhoncus urna neque viverra justo nec. Netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas integer eget. Risus ultricies tristique nulla aliquet enim tortor at. Tempor orci dapibus ultrices in iaculis nunc sed augue. Erat velit scelerisque in dictum non. Congue nisi vitae suscipit tellus mauris a. Id interdum velit laoreet id donec ultrices tincidunt arcu non. Id ornare arcu odio ut sem nulla.

headcanon one. write out a brief fact / headcanon about your character that you would like people to know about here! could be about their skills, anything!
headcanon two. write out a brief fact / headcanon about your character that you would like people to know about here! could be about their skills, anything!
headcanon three. write out a brief fact / headcanon about your character that you would like people to know about here! could be about their skills, anything!headcanon four. write out a brief fact / headcanon about your character that you would like people to know about here! could be about their skills, anything!
headcanon five. write out a brief fact / headcanon about your character that you would like people to know about here! could be about their skills, anything!
headcanon six. write out a brief fact / headcanon about your character that you would like people to know about here! could be about their skills, anything!

i'm walkin' on.

when we were younger, we swore the world was ours. now i'm reachin' for you, feelin' like we're worlds apart.

STATS	RATING
health	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
strength	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
tenacity	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
stamina	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
intelligence	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
dexterity	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
perception	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
creativity	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
charisma	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
social skills	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
empathy	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
confidence	★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

abilities.

ability one. does your character have any special skills or abilities? write about it here! could be a specialization in a spell, field of study, or maybe they have unique abilities!
ability two. does your character have any special skills or abilities? write about it here! could be a specialization in a spell, field of study, or maybe they have unique abilities!
ability three. does your character have any special skills or abilities? write about it here! could be a specialization in a spell, field of study, or maybe they have unique abilities!
ability four. does your character have any special skills or abilities? write about it here! could be a specialization in a spell, field of study, or maybe they have unique abilities!
ability five. does your character have any special skills or abilities? write about it here! could be a specialization in a spell, field of study, or maybe they have unique abilities!
ability six. does your character have any special skills or abilities? write about it here! could be a specialization in a spell, field of study, or maybe they have unique abilities!

STRENGTHS	WEAKNESSES
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here
strength here	weakness here

physical combat.

special weapons. do they have any specialized or personalized weapons, or just one they really like?
special items. do they use any other special items? like smoke bombs, poison-coated arrows, etc.
fighting style. what's your character's fighting style like? are they melee? ranged? hybrid? how do they make their job their own?
physical strength. how would you rate their strength out of 1-10? how do they utilize their strength, or work around their lack thereof?

write a little tidbit here if you'd like to elaborate on any of the above bullets in depth.Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Sit amet massa vitae tortor condimentum lacinia quis vel eros.

skills.

first-aid. this is just an example! but maybe your character has first-aid skills. or not! rate it 1 to 10, maybe!
artistry. maybe your character is an artist on the side, too!
smooth-talker. maybe your character is really good at talking out & diffusing situations, & getting away with it.
basically anything that's not related to the other sections can go here.

people always change

Arrow Up

& we'll never be like we were before.

try to stay the same, but we're

Home

bangin' our heads against the wall

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

verse name.

verse tag name.

write out a short synopsis about your verse. i recommend keeping it to a few sentences! basic details, all that. use the second line to link to a post or the tag archiving every post in your verse!

if i let you go, will you

Arrow Up

be able to walk on your own?

hard to say it's so, but i

Home

think we're better off on our own.

i'm walkin' on . . . i'm walkin' on.

THREAD	STATUS
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.
partner's url here.	waiting for reply.
partner's url here.	owed.

people always change

Arrow Up

& we'll never be like we were before.

try to stay the same, but we're

Home

bangin' our heads against the wall